


The Stars That Answer

by Fiction_is_happier



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: F/M, Fluff, One Shot, Post-Book 4: A Court of Silver Flames, Spoilers for Book 4: A Court of Silver Flames, set just after cassian and nesta's mating ceremony, who doesnt love a little heart to heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-14 00:21:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29659557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fiction_is_happier/pseuds/Fiction_is_happier
Summary: *Spoilers for A Court of Silver Flames*Celebrations are sometimes bittersweet.
Relationships: Azriel/Gwyneth Berdara
Comments: 5
Kudos: 78





	The Stars That Answer

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on my tumblr fiction_is_happier

Gwyn stepped out onto into the moonlit garden hoping to get some fresh air. It wasn’t exactly crowded in the river mansion and there hadn’t been many guests at the ceremony, but Gwyn still found her heart pounding a beat too fast in the bustle. She just needed some space to gather herself and aimed for the large patio doors off the foyer.

“Oh,” Gwyn said, surprised. Azriel sat at the small iron table, his wings resting behind him. He turned shocked as if she had somehow snuck up on him.

Azriel smiled slightly, “Did I steal your spot?”

“I just needed some fresh air.”

Azriel nodded and he stood, “I’ll leave you to it.”

“No,” she blurted, “please, you were here first. There are two seats.”

He paused before nodding his head slightly and reclaiming his seat. Gwyn rounded the small table and perched at the edge of the chair.

He didn’t speak as he looked out at the river and she saw his curious shadows dancing around his shoulders. Gwyn took a deep breath and tilted her head back, bathing her face in moonlight. She couldn’t help but think of the last time they had met like this, just the two of them and the stars. It was Winter Solstice, long before the Blood Rite.

The Blood Rite. Sometimes she couldn’t believe that she had done it, fought and climbed and survived.

“Are you staying here?” Azriel asked gently.

Gwyn opened her eyes, “Feyre offered me a room but I’m not sure if I can…” She trailed off uncertainly.

“I took them up on the offer,” Azriel said dryly, “I won’t get much sleep at the House of Wind.”

Gwyn laughed. Nesta and Cassian left their own mating reception almost as soon as the ribbon was tied.

They lapsed into silence. Gwyn was used to the silence with her sisters at the library. But this one was different, comfortable. Her mind slowed as she breathed deep, practicing her Mind Stilling. They were silent for so long Gwyn was confused as to who was breaking it until she recognised her own voice. “Tonight was a test I think.”

Azriel didn’t say anything but she knew all of his attention was on her as she spoke.

She swallowed, “I-I’m not sure what I’m doing. When I first came here to Velaris, the library was where I needed to be. Safe and surrounded by my sisters. But after the Blood Rite, I’m not so sure. I hadn’t left the library for so long and then the first time I did; I climbed a violent, dangerous mountain all the way to the top.”

She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye as she looked up at the stars.

“I wanted to test myself today to see if I could leave the library without my life being in peril. I didn’t consider the battle with Mor for the last slice of cake though.”

Az chuckled. “So what’s the result of your test?”

Gwyn shrugged, “Who knows, I’m just as confused as ever.”

“You don’t have to decide right away,” he said softly, “you can take it a day at a time until you’re ready.”

Gwyn nodded, pushing out her breath. “What are you doing out here moping anyway?”

“I’m not moping, I’m hiding.”

Gwyn raised her eyebrows at him, “From the party?”

The corner of his mouth twitched up even as he sighed. “It’s complicated.”

“More complicated than contemplating my whole future after being one of the first female’s ever to win the most brutal warrior challenge?”

He huffed a laugh as he looked her in the eye and rubbed a hand across his jaw. “Well it’s going to sound insignificant compared to that.”

“True,” she grinned, “but I can still hear it.”

He shot her an amused glance before taking a deep breath. “Both of my brothers are mated and settled. Cassian and Nesta happy after all the pining and dancing around each other…” He trailed off.

“You’re jealous.” Gwyn stated, without any mirth or mocking.

Azriel shifted in his seat, his elbow coming to rest on the table, confirming her suspicions.

“Is there” she started, “do you have anyone who-“

“I thought I did, for the longest time and now I,” he broke off with a shudder. He swallowed as he said softly, “I just don’t know why it’s so hard for me.”

Gwyn’s heart bled at the look on his face, the hopelessness and sadness she saw in his deep eyes. Before she even realised she was moving she reached across the table and grasped his scarred hand, gently squeezing. Azriel’s head whipped to their joined hands in shock. He made to pull away but she squeezed tighter, keeping him in place.

She opened her mouth to say something, but the words left her. Generic sentiments like ‘there will be someone for you’ or ‘they’re all foolish for not seeing how wonderful you are’ all seemed so inconsequential compared to the waves of sadness she felt coming from him, from his shadows. All she could do was stare into those deep eyes, and let her thumb lightly brush his cold fingers. His shadows etched closer and closer. She swore his eyes fluttered with every swipe of her skin on his.

Finally when the silence became too taut she started “I-“

“Azriel?” A gentle voice said from behind them. Azriel whipped his head around and pulled his hand free from Gwyn’s embrace, his shadows retreating behind his shoulder.

“Feyre is looking for you.” Elain told him, smiling tightly at Gwyn.

Azriel nodded and turned to Gwyn. “Find me if you want to return to the library, I will be happy to take you.” He bowed his head slightly as he turned and followed Elain into the house, his powerful wings flexing behind him.

Gwyn took a deep breath and looked to the stars, the feel of his hand in hers like a phantom touch.


End file.
